By Dan Reiland
Posted by Admin
Dan: How do you two describe your ministry?
Les: You know what a BHAG is, right? A Big Harry Audacious Goal. Here's ours: To reduce the divorce rate in the church by a third in our lifetime. You know us Dan, we really care about people and marriages. This is our passion!
Leslie: We believe it would be one of the greatest social revolutions the church has experienced. Think of the ripple effect it would have on everything from children's and youth ministry to offerings and missions.
Les: The tide rises for everything and everybody in the church when marriages are stronger and healthier.
Dan: Patti and I have been married for 33 years. I'm curious to know what two marriage experts do for Valentines.
Les: Oh, man – you don't want to know. It's one of the least romantic days on our calendar.
Leslie: We laugh about it every year. If we're lucky, we typically get a quick meal in between flights while passing through O'Hare Airport on our way to speak somewhere.
Les: But let me tell you. Valentines puts a lot of pressure on a relationship. So here's what we suggest. If you both need an expensive dinner, roses, and all the rest, that's cool. But whether you do that or not, take a moment to do something or write something that praises your partner. Be sure they know how much you cherish them.
Leslie: I still have a little note on my ribbon board above my desk that Les wrote to me last Valentines Day. That kind of thing lingers far longer than flowers.
Dan: I know your BHAG keeps you busy, especially during the month of February.
Leslie: It does. In addition to producing curriculum for churches to use with couples, we do a lot of live events and seminars in churches (see www.LesandLeslie.com for our speaking schedule).
Les: Everyone seems to want a marriage event at their church this week. I can't believe this Dan, but this week we are in Jackson, MS at Broadmoor Baptist; Louisville at Southeast Christian Center; Atlanta at First Baptist Woodstock; and then Nashville at The People's Church.
Leslie: Whew! It's a busy one, for sure. I think we'll be in front of more than 25,000 people this week. It's going to be fun!
Dan: And what are you doing at these churches?
Leslie: We do a 2-and-half-hour evening we call Fight Night. It's basically a fun date night for couples where they pick up some practical new skills for managing conflict.
Les: Right. Lots of laughter with plenty of good teaching snuck in between the laughs. We basically show couples how conflict can be the price we pay for deeper intimacy – if we learn how to fight a good fight.
Dan: You are very passionate about helping couples in the church and you've been doing it a long time and produced a lot of great resources.
Les: Marriage ministry, in our opinion, is a great untapped portal for evangelism in the church today. Couples will often turn to their local church for help in their relationship and the church needs to be ready.
Leslie: That's especially true on the front end – for engaged couples who are about to be married.
Dan: Well, you know a lot about that. Your book, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts (SYMBIS) is a classic. I believe it's sold more than a million copies, hasn't it?
Les: Thanks for that. Yes. It keeps going and going because it meets such a strong felt need. In fact, we are currently updating and revising it for a new release this coming autumn – with workbooks and a DVD.
Leslie: We've had hundreds of pastors weigh in on this next edition to be sure we give them the very best tool possible.
Dan: I happen to know that you have also released an incredible new pre-marriage assessment for pastors, right?
Les: Yes. I've got to say I've never been more excited about something we've produced with our team. It's truly a game-changer that ensures pastors give new couples every advantage possible as they launch lifelong love.
Leslie: We call it the SYMBIS Assessment and it generates a very robust, contemporary, and personal 15-page report for each couple. That pastor unpacks the report with them over a number of sessions.
Dan: How does it work? How does a pastor get started?
Leslie: It's easy. A pastor simply goes to www.SYMBISassessment.com to do a 3-hour online training course (at their own pace). This certifies them in how to use it with couples. It also provides them with an awesome dashboard for managing all the couples they see with the SYMBIS Assessment.
Les: Right. And they can immediately start using it with couples. We got the nicest compliment from a pastor recently who said, "If Steve Jobs designed a premarriage assessment it would look and feel like this."
Dan: So is the SYMBIS Assessment only for one-on-one pre-marriage counseling?
Les: No. We have one very large church that uses it in a huge class. It's designed to fit the pastor's need. So it can be done in a small group too.
Leslie: And it can be done in any number of sessions, though most commonly it's done in about 6 to 8 sessions.
Les: Not only that, a pastor can have some "marriage mentors" get trained as certified facilitators. That alleviates the pastor's load on this front.
Dan: If you were to lift out one of the most important skills a couple can work on to make their marriage a success, what would it be?
Leslie: We can answer that in a single word. Empathy.
Les: It's true. Empathy, the capacity we have to put ourselves in each other's shoes resolves the vast majority of issues most couples struggle with. In fact, research shows that 90% of the conflicts we have with each other can be resolved if all we do is accurately see the issue from each other's perspective.
Leslie: In fact, that's true not only in marriage, but with board members, parishioners, our friends and family and nearly anyone else. Empathy goes a long way – especially in the life of a pastor. And Jesus was the ultimate model.
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